A bad side of the sword
Almundena Cathedral, Spain
One of the double edge swords of being an opera singer is the constant travel. I knew when I picked this career that professional singers could more easily count the days you spend away from home than spent at home. Though I never really considered what that meant… I always blindly followed my passion for music and opera. And HERE I AM nonetheless! For many reasons, I’m very grateful I did! The life I live is exciting and keeps my spirit and mind open. On the other hand, the difficulties are surprising and truly unglamorous.
This month alone, my husband and I have traveled to three different countries for work. All of which we don’t speak the language: Poland, Hungary and Spain. Currently, I’m on contract in Madrid, while he’s on contract in Valencia (go JP go! ☺️).
In this career, each country/city/contract you have to find the groove and daily rhythm. A “new normal” so to speak. Some times are more challenging than others… It could change based on tourist season, winter-blues, high rents, high cost of living, good colleagues, bad colleagues (though rare), openness to foreigners, etc.. Life is CONSTANTLY changing and you have to adapt to it every few weeks/months. THEN you come home, which can either be restful OR a reminder of all the things that need to be done. i.e. fixing the pumbing, doctor’s appointments, bank meetings, blah blah blah blah blah blah. 😑
This is by no means a complaint. I love my life as it is! It’s rather an observation that if I had I ever dreamed of the “white picket fence” lifestyle, perhaps my career choices would have been different. Fortunately, the weird, unstable, diva lifestyle is what I always dreamed of.
Today, though, I’m feeling particularly vulnerable from the travel and wanted to share a bad side of the sword…
Me being stressed and complainy on a train in Spain.
As I’m writing this blog, I’m in Spain on a train. A train that is two hours later than the one I meant to take. 140€ more than the original 30€ ticket I bought. Why? Because I was at the wrong station!! Apple Maps misled me… Or I read the map wrong (those that know me well would know this is very out of character). By the time I realised my mistake and reached my correct station, I had the GRAND, CINEMATIC moment of watching my train leave the station… AHHHHHHHHHH!!! This normally wouldn’t be a big deal to me, but today I had to catch it for an in-person-commitment on the other end.
THAT train, the original one, would have allowed plenty of time to arrive, to go home, to have some lunch, to practice, to review, etc. No problem if there were a few hours of delay! We have time! THIS train… the next train available, doesn’t promise that I will be on time. A big. fat. MAYBE. First class was the only ticket available… So at least I’m getting my money’s worth??? 🫠
It feels melodramatic and overstimulating, but missing a train has been the most stress I’ve had in years!* To miss a train and not speak a common language on a deadline feels absolutely defeating.
That’s not the only hiccough I had this month. The other one was way, WAY more expensive, and more frustrating. I’m swearing off Airbnb because of it! Long story short: It’s wild to me that Airbnb hosts will charge exorbitant rents for unliveable accommodations .(See picture below)
My ex-Airbnb in broad-day-light.
Even though I’m flighting back tears and trying to keep everything together, there’s always plenty to be grateful for. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up… I came from a household that wouldn’t have been able to afford making these kinds of mistakes. $50 CAD would have caused serious damage to my bank account, let alone 140€! When I was a student, I would take overnight Megabusses to avoid paying for hotels/hostels for auditions. Now, though we’re not rich, mistakes like these are completely manageable. I also have an incredible, supportive partner who is very kind to me in my mistakes. My work is in always in safe environments and I have never, EVER felt unsafe in all my travels. All of these points are things I will never take for granted! ☺️
Generally, I would say I’m an experienced traveler. I’ve had close calls, but this is the first time I’ve genuinely missed my train (with the exception of getting lost in the Alps!*). Today is certainly the first time I’ve missed a train with a commitment on the other side of it.
I’m trying to forgive myself for feeling dumb, for losing money, for feeling embarrassed, for possibly being late to my commitment, for feeling unprofessional, etc. That said, it’s a loooooong career, these things are bound to happen as some point. Just pick-up and move along to the next day.
The feelings are big, but the consequences are likely imperceivable.
Update: I was ten minutes late and no one cared. 🙃🙃🙃🙃
*As someone who used to have very high anxiety, this is a very big win.
** Getting lost in the Alps is my favourite memory of getting over an impending anxiety attack. It ended with me staying with a friend in Zurich!